Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
