And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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