My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
