I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
