u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
