Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want a musical about memes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
