Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
