U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
