i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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