Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
