I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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