I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
