He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
