She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
