Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
