its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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