Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this is an emotional support booty call
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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