Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
