C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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