If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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