I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
