one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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