Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
