I'm sorry my penis didn't work
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
