They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
