And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
