roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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