just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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