I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
