I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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