I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
