Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
