She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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