I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
