It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
