I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
