I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
