evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
