someone threw a dead crab at me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My penis needs a shock collar
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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