brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't turn off my feet"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
