Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
