so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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