not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
