i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
