fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
