the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
