he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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