so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
