I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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