Please, let me fuck your mom
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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