God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
