i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
